I feel so, so tired today. Mom took us to Whitebait and Kale for dinner, and even got me a new pair of leather pumps for my hideously swollen feet. (I don't care what you say, I'm not doing the perineal massage, dammit) Jules and my mom had a friendly altercation over the color scheme for the baby shower next week. Sheesh. Hell, I'm so woozy I wanna curl up in bed with Miss America and a hot cup of tea. If I can, that is.

Everyone agrees that breast milk is best for babies, even the people who make formula. Not only is breast milk easily digestible and rich in nutrients, it is also perfectly tailored to each child's individual needs. Question is, will I be able to? Will it be difficult switching to formula thereafter? Sometimes I feel like I have all these questions in my head and no answers.

Yes, I worry. I worry about every damn thing. As it gets closer and closer to the day. I think I'm having jitters about the whole birth thingy already. Jules told me to not to worry about 'those inane things'. She said that she'd be there to hold my hand. The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm not only afraid about the episiotomy, I'm afraid about raising another life. Will I be a good mother? Can I be strong for the two of us? I just wish that things had been better. I wish that things had turn out the way they should. (Shyte, I'm an emotional wreck. Dammit.)

Week thirty-seven. I had a sonogram and my first internal exam today. Everything looks promising (Tyler is pretty much in a head down position already), which means I should really, really consider vaginal birth (eek!). Dr John thinks that I should just forget about the C-section. From three inches to a whopping twelve inches, that's how much the uterus would've grown. Who would've thought? Our little friend is growing well, at least about five pounds, eight ounces.. He should come to term by the end of this week. Hmm. I want a really fat baby. My mom said that I should start doing perineal massage (eek!) to avoid an episiotomy (Aunt Maggie told me they practically snip 'em off.. *CRINGE*). Frankly, I don't know which one is more gross. Urgh.

Jules finally made it here... with lots of Baby Gaps and other fantabulous stuff that I wouldn't think of spending on myself (I'm a single mommy, remember?). I think she must've been awfully tired. She didn't exactly get to rest after she touch down - bad, bad me. But hey, I'm pregnant and I have a craving (it's North Indian today btw). It was nice, though I don't think Tyler likes it very much coz he kept kicking me.

He kicked me a lot today, I don't know why. So I sang him lullabies and read him my favorite Shel Silverstein's children poetry. I feel him settled at the sound of my voice, at my touch. Pregnancy is.. the most amazing thing ever. That all I would say. And I thank God for every moment of it.

My back hurts. I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit. Mom got me those Japanese Tatami sofa-like thingy. They're awesome.

Four weeks and two days before he arrives. The nursery is almost ready, can't wait for Jules to get here and paint the finishing touches.

I'm in love with this

Christmas Day. Which means I get lots of presents, aside from the baby gifts that has been flooding in. Whee. I love my presents. Aunt Renee got Tyler a lovely sweater, a couple of jumpsuits and matching booties, and I got a gorgis woolen sweater the size of fecking Peru. Chad sent me a couple of babycare books, and Emily got us tickets to WNDC (okay, I'm kidding)..

Off to bed now...

Week thirty-six. Just four weeks to go! It's getting cramped on there. Kicking and shoving have replaced the early swooping and rolling, and there is simply no more room as he gets bigger and bigger. Tyler is about sixteen and a half to seventeen inches from crown to rump and weighs about five pounds. His growth will be slow and steady now, as he continues to put on weight and fill out. Fat is dimpling on the elbows and knees, as well as the neck and wrists. Weekly prenatal visits now that I am in the home stretch, which also mean more tests (ARRGGH..) and time for my first internal exam to see if my cervix has softened, effaced, dilated or if his head is dipping into the pelvis. He could drop into the pelvis (birth canal) at any time now, and I would be able to breathe again. Phew! Sleep has been a bitch, it has indeed been impossible to get into a comfortable position. I miss sleeping on my tummy..